Grace Youth Retreat 2008 (27th - 30th of May 2008)
Leaders of Tomorrow Today!!!
Speaker: Pastor Edward

Wanna Know What Happened???
28th of May was the first day of the Grace Youth Retreat. To be honest, I actually only finish packing like about 10 minutes before 1pm.  .When I was done with my packing, I then had to wait for my mum to return home with my grandma. My mum went out to buy an eye-drop for my eyes. As I was having an eye-sore. My mum initially advised that I shouldn't go for the camp. Well... it was obvious that I told my mum that I really want to go. ONe thing that she didn't know is that this camp is actually one of the reasons to why I quit college, "Sshh... Please don't tell her.... ok??" . Anyway, I'm glad that I manage to attend this camp.

Well... the journey to the Penang Watersports Centre was kinda blur for me. I only remembered that I was not punctual that day. We were suppose to meet in church at 1pm, but yours truly here reached the church at only about 10 to 15 minutes later. "I know, I know, I am late... AGAIN!!!" Sad to say but this, it has always been a habit for me to be either punctual or late for church service, but rarely early. I really have change this. It is not exactly nice to get "the stare" from church members every week.... "Aiks..."

At the church, the first person that spoke to me was Aaron. I'm beginning to wonder how come every time I sms him - which in that case is like once in a blue moon - his handphone will always be out of credit... (Erm... I think that always is not exactly the word.. but it is at least 75 % true.. ) Anyway, I'm not angry with him. In fact, I think that it is rather funny.  

The person that I was really happy to see is...guess who???.. that person was actually Zijian... Of course.. I was glad to see everyone else too.. but the feeling of hearing Zijian's voice again was.. strange and indescribable.... This friend of mine has been away for like.. I don't even remember how long..

At this very camp... I got to know many things... I got to know of my identity in Christ Jesus... (I really hope that this time... I would not only be informed.. but will also be transformed... ) There is so much that I know...but what is the point of knowing when we're not doing it...

When I first came to the camp... I truly begin to questioned God... I was so confused in my mind that I'm sorry to say this but I even question about the existence of God Himself... I remembered... On the second day of the camp... I actually cried... I remembered that I begin to slowly walk out towards the direction of the hotel opposite the sports centre... As I neared the seats that were placed near the fence... I actually yelled out to God this... "God, I'm sorry to say this... but can You please show me a sign... something ... anything...Show to me that I'm still your daughter... Show me that I still belong to You...Please..."
While saying this... tears were actually flowing... After saying that prayer... I begin to turn around... Looking at every direction... Holding on to hope that I may be able to see the "sign" that God would show... In my mind... I seriously have no idea of how that "sign" would look like... All I know is when I see it ... I will know...

A few moments later.. guess what happened??? Sad to say.. I kinda give up hope of receiving an answer from God... As what Ps. Edward said... Youngsters nowadays are just getting used to getting everything "fast" or "instantly"... I don't think I need to strain my head to decide whether I'm in this category or not...
After that... I kinda move on to join the workshop.... the one on ushering... lead by Zijian... the fun that we had kinda actually washed away my focus on the question that I ask God... I actually managed to forget about it...

It was not until the during games time... I notice that I was really very easily offended... While playing with the balloon game... I actually got an impression that something was going to happen... But I didn't know what is it... During the 2nd round of the game... Praise actually kicked me by accident in her effort of trying to bust the balloons that was tied to my feet... At that point when I felt the sharp pain... I felt much more that than... It was also anger and hatred... I know that I'm not suppose to feel that way but it did... The longer I stayed in the room ... The much higher the level grew... The more people asked me how I was.... The more people asked me what happened... The higher was the temptation of accusing Praise as the one who hurt me grew... At that very moment... I knew that something was wrong... I really felt that I cannot stay in that very hall any longer... That was why I went out of the room... Whatever that was going through inside of me.. I really dare not tell anyone... If I confess that I'm a child of God.. Should I not reflect Him who is in me??? I really thought about this question for really really long.... Praise actually did apologize to me after that... but the feelings of my heart was still hostile towards her... I believe that she felt the vibes that I was sending out to her loud and clear... She knew what I was feeling...

That very evening before the worship... I actually broke down before her... I cried... I told her about the negative feelings that I had towards her... And she calmly replied to me... "Yes"... she nodded her head... "I know..." She smiled...

I actually was expecting that I may not be able to make it for the Theme Talk that evening... but then she hugged me as I was sobbing.... she said this.. or something close to it... I don't really remember all of it... All that really stayed in my memory was this... "You are a daughter of God... God loves you..."
Wanna know how I reacted to what she said???
I immediately stopped crying... I kinda hold her back from hugging me and said this.. "Can you repeat that?" and she did... The moment I heard her saying this... I was thinking... Wasn't that the answer that I wanted God to give me this morning... God's timing is really so... you know... His TIME... According to my experience.. it always happens when I least expects it... After hearing what Praise said... I actually started giggling... I felt so silly at that point that if I could ever doubt about God...

Hehe.... actually I am currently posting my blog in www.eyesontheauthor.blogspot.com ... but then got curious of how does posting a blog on xanga.com feels like.... so.... tada.... here i am.... anyway... the choices of themes are quite a lot for lazy people like me who "don't have time" to create their own theme... hehe...

So... i'll guess i'll be posting both places huh?? ...